The separation itself is an illusion

by | Aug 28, 2023 | Self-awareness

At first, it may seem strange that we talk about parts of ourselves. I remember how I initially distanced myself from it and joked about it, made fun of - how is it going to seem that I'm walking around here with all my parts trying to keep everyone happy, if not crazy?

But that changes when I and perhaps you reach the realization of what a complex creature humans are, how our capacity for adaptation is enormous. So enormous that it is difficult for us to let it go close. If we listen to Eckart Tolle for a moment: Emotions are the mind's way of explaining the body's reactions. Something is felt within us, followed by a thought. We take it again, something happens within us and the thought becomes the meaning we attach to the feeling. Complicated...?
Like this. I am a financial manager in our second company, every month I get a lump in my upper chest that I would call anxiety. The thoughts that come from that feeling in my body are: "I'm so bad at this, I should have more control", "It takes so much more time than I have allocated", "What if someone asks why I don't do it better?". The thoughts are a reaction to what I experience in my body. What I experience in my body comes from somewhere and this is where it gets exciting.

When I ask myself: What emotion is behind the anxiety?


Fear of what?

Not being good enough

How old is that fear?

I can remember that it has been with me for a long time, since I was a child.

What happens if you are not good enough?

I get left behind

Which child is left behind?


So whether you like it or not, the parts are there, sometimes more prominently, triggered by certain situations or perhaps people. The answers are in there if you are willing to curiously face them. Even though I know the above mentioned part, it doesn't mean that it stops appearing forever, it comes from time to time. When I am tired or triggered by something else. The difference? I am aware of it and feel it in my body when it takes over. I have met it and know what it needs and asks for. All the parts want is to be protected, so the parts don't have to protect me. This part does not know that I am not 6 years old anymore. It fights with everything it has until I show it that 33-year-old Sofie knows its value.

And here comes the biggest twist.

Once you have separated the parts, found ways to give each one exactly what they need, the realization comes that separation as such is an illusion. The parts are you and you are the parts. In a later post, we'll share how that realization came to us in scary circumstances.

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